At one point in your life, to satisfy a need, you tried alcohol. You discovered something about this drinking experience that you decided to make familiar. You discovered drinking changed the way you felt. Things seemed better (at least for a short time). You felt bigger, faster, smarter, more alive. You liked this short and temporary escape and started to drink more often. It became comfortable and familiar. Some would say that drinking and is like a habit. They don’t even think about drinking but when needed just go right to it. This is not true. What drinking does is give the person something familiar. Something they remember gave them a desirable feeling at one time. So they try to achieve this feeling through what is familiar - drinking alcohol. However, they can never fully achieve that original feeling or purpose they thought drinking alcohol served. So you know the rest of the story. They start on a quest, the search for the ultimate buzz.

You could say that we are all creatures of habit. We go through life hacking it out the best we can. Exploring and experimenting with new things. Through experience we learn to avoid some things and hold on to others. We do this by accumulating and consolidating information. Past events help us determine which choice or action will most benefit us for the new and changing situations that come our way. Our ability to adapt and change, integrating new information along the way is one of the great features of survival. We try a few things and once we find something that works or meets our needs we tend to remember and repeat it. Even if we only perceive this "something" to satisfy one of our needs, we remember it, it brings us some temporary comfort and we will tend to return to it when the need arises again.

Life changes quickly and stress can accumulate and come at us from many angles. We often have to balance many things at once and this can become overwhelming. We often have to decide quickly which coping skills to pull from our repertoire of experience. Which coping tool we use will most likely be the one we feel will propel us through the experience the quickest and with the least effort so we can focus on the next issue that comes our way. If what we choose works, we will remember it. We will come to value it as a useful resource. We will make it familiar as a way to satisfy a need.

Satisfying one’s needs in times of stress is individual. This is why one person may turn to drinking alcohol to get some comfort from their fear and others will sit down with a good book or go running. Satisfying our needs also coincides with where we place our values. How we value something will determine how we incorporate it or use it to cope with our changing lives. In some cultures and ethnicities it is a taboo to publicly display drunken behavior. They do not value this behavior and therefore do not incorporate it into satisfying needs. Others view the use of alcohol as a way to relax and let off steam. For them, drunkenness is acceptable and perceived as something that can satisfy a need (it doesn’t matter if it is right or wrong, just what it is perceived to do – it’s purpose).

So what we seek to make familiar is the desire to be connected with a time in our life that we associate with being happier. What? …… Hear me out now. Anyone who is struggling with drinking alcohol can tell you (if they are honest) that they do not enjoy the way they feel any longer. The drinking alcohol has become no fun. So why continue doing it? Because they still associate the time drinking alcohol felt good with their actions now (even though they do not get the same results). If we did not associate the "good times" with our present behavior we would not do it any longer. We block out the bad times and hurt drinking alcohol has caused and replace it with the original association of "feeling good". Maybe you were at a party and were able to talk with all the cute girls. Maybe you were able to open up and be the center of attention. Whatever it may be, you perceived some sort of gain.

So here we are. Doing something familiar (drinking alcohol) to ourselves because we are trying to "relive" a time in our life that was good or better than what we have now. But drinking alcohol does not work anymore. We don’t get the same results. We end up feeling miserable and wanting to change but unable to. So what can you do?

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I want you to remember a time in your life before all this drinking madness started when you were happyand did not experience alcohol abuse. You felt fulfilled and the world still seemed neat. Maybe you were young, maybe it was during a holiday, or with friends, or at a certain job, etc. Don’t tell me you never felt good or more fulfilled. You did, otherwise you would not realize the spot your drinking or alcohol abuse has put you in is no good. Go back to that time and remember.

What were you doing ............  ? 

What did you value and believe in..........?

How did you act and make choices...........?